eTrueSports Logo Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
 

Article Archive

PGA Officials Deny They Are "Picayune Weenies"
Aug 15th, 2010
Sheboygan, WI - "I was thinking beach, not bunker," said Dustin Johnson after receiving a two-stroke penalty for grounding a club resulted in his elimination from a playoff for the PGA Championship. Johnson's second shot on the 18th hole was hit in a sandy area, where he was surrounded by fans, many sporting sandals and carrying lightweight chairs. Read more...
Odyssey's Cheese-Insert Putter Wows Sheboygan
Aug 13th, 2010
Sheboygan, WI - Don't slice this wedge. The new Odyssey CH2 "2 Wheel" putter, featuring an aged cheddar cheese wedge insert, melted golfers' hearts at the recent PGA Championship. Nearly a third of the PGA Tour pros competing at Whistling Straits switched to the innovative putter from Callaway/Odyssey golf and their scores showed it. Read more...
Mets Surge Ahead In "Worm In The Apple" Race
Aug 13th, 2010
New York - In the hotly contested race for the Worm In The Apple Award the Mets have surged ahead of the Knicks as NY's worst professional team.   Building on their recent history of late season pratfalls a Mets spokesman said, “Frankie Rodriguez's antics will help us reclaim the WITAA trophy.”  Read more...
Tiger Woods Quits Golf, Will Join Pro Ping Pong Tour
Aug 8th, 2010
New York – After shooting 18-over par at Bridgestone Invitational to record the worst four rounds of his PGA Tour career, Tiger Woods has quit golf. “Golf's boring. I’m going back to my first love, ping-pong," said Woods. Read more...
Mark Cuban To Buy State of Texas
Aug 5th, 2010
Dallas, TX - eTrueSports has learned that Mark Cuban, who just lost - no thanks to Bud Selig - a bid to purchase the Texas Rangers, is in negotiations to buy the state of Texas. "The minute the sale is finalized, I'm invading Wisconsin," declared an irate Cuban. Read more...
Buck Showalter Abandons Standup Career to Manage Orioles
Jul 30th, 2010
Baltimore - Abandoning a burgeoning standup career, comedian and TV personality Buck Showalter has returned to baseball as manager of the woeful Baltimore Orioles. "It's time I got serious," said Showalter, who thanked Jon Stewart and The Daily Show for allowing early termination of his contract with the Emmy-awarding winning comedy show. Read more...
American Pie Association Wants MLB To Ban Shaving Cream
Jul 28th, 2010
New York – "Whipped cream pies in the face are as American as the 7th inning stretch," said a spokesman for the American Pie Association in calling today for Major League Baseball to ban the use of shaving cream in post-game celebrations Read more...
USC Prayer Breakfast Targets Lane Kiffin
Jul 28th, 2010
Los Angeles - eTrueSports has learned that USC has scheduled a "Pray for Lane Kiffin To Quit" breakfast at The Coliseum for Saturday morning at 9 a.m. "Please come early to guarantee yourself a seat," said new USC athletic director Pat Haden. Read more...
'Nascar Fans Wanted' Says Tea Bagger Ad Campaign
Jul 26th, 2010
New York - With Nascar struggling to attract both young drivers and fans, and advertisers abandoning the struggling sport, the American Tea Bagger party announced a major ad campaign directed at the sports' aging fan base. "They're old, they're angry, they're us," said a T-Bagger spokesman. Read more...
Woods Agent Denounces Rachel Uchitel's "Apprentice" Deal
Jul 23rd, 2010
Los Angeles - "She cares only about money," said Tiger Woods' IMG agent Mark Steinberg in a press conference denouncing Rachel Uchitel for her upcoming appearance on The Apprentice Read more...
  • After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset.
  • "However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying."
  • Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial.
  • "We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach.
  • Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field."
  • "It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses."
  • World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London.
  • "If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury.
  • "My hand hurts," said Dustin Johnson after failing to write "I will not ground my club in bunkers anymore" 1,000 times on Whistling Straits' main blackboard. "He's 11 sentences short," said a PGA spokesman in announcing Johnson's immediate suspension. "Rules are rules."
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!

    eTrueSports Columnist
    My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!