Flaxseed Oil, HGH Found in MLB Commissioner’s Milwaukee Country Club Locker

 

Milwaukee – Everybody who knows Bud Selig has been saying for some time that the commissioner has never looked better or more fit. Now, we may know why.

 

In a shocking turn of events, anonymous sources are saying that in interviews with George Mitchell’s staff attorneys Selig’s long time caddie at the exclusive Milwaukee Country Club claims that the commissioner “has been on stuff” for the last year.

 

Meanwhile, as eTrueSports went to press, a Federal raid at the posh  Milwaukee golf club has apparently turned up bottles labeled "Flax" and "HG."

Selig’s office immediately issued a carefully crafted response, stating that “Bud never knowingly used performance enhancing drugs.” (Selig’s wife Sue, when contacted at the family’s used car dealership, refused to comment.) The spokesman added that the commissionor had taken "certain medications to recover more quickly from a hernia operation."

 

Barry Bonds was quick to jump on the news. “People in glasses shouldn’t be throwing rocks,” Bonds said in a somewhat convoluted telephone interview. “He’s a Judas and a hypocrite and I hate him a lot.”

 

Reached at his home outside Philadelphia, former major league outfielder Len Dykstra, who was implicated in the Mitchell Report, said: “This ain’t no surprise. Just take a look at his body. Every flippin’ year he looks better, and he’s, what, like 90 or something? Christ, next year he’ll be playing center for the Brewers.”