eTrueSports Logo Friday, January 30th, 2015
 
<< Back

The Manning Wars: Eli and Peyton Trade Accusations

Nov 25, 2007

UPDATED BREAKING STORY

The once thisclose Manning brothers have taken sibling rivalry to a whole new level. After learning that Eli had accused him of, among other things, being a "bastard," Peyton Manning fired back with a dramatic accusation, questioning whether Eli was even his brother at all.

"Do you think any real son of Archie's would get picked 4 times - 3 for TDs - in one game?" spat out Peyton, referring to younger "brother" Eli's disastrous performance over the weekend against the Minnesota Vikings. "He looks lost out there. Real Mannings don't look lost."

You've seen the commercial, right?" Peyton Manning continued, referring to an ad in which Arizona quarterback Matt Leinart is presented as extraordinarily close to Archie and Olivia Manning. "Why do you think they used Matty in the commercial? Who do you think looks more like Archie, him or Eli?"

When asked about Peyton's stunning assertion, Archie Manning said, "Matty and Eli are both good boys."  Olivia Manning had a terse, "No comment."

ORIGINAL STORY

Forget The Commercials; "Peyton Ain't Funny."

New York - Eli Manning has had enough. “My brother’s a bastard,” said Manning, about his brother, Peyton, in an exclusive interview with eTrueSports, “and it’s time the world knows it.

“Everybody thinks they know him because of the commercials,” Manning added between clenched teeth. “Well, that’s bull. One thing I can tell you, he ain’t funny.”

Manning said the entire family was flabbergasted when Peyton was chosen to host Saturday Night Live. “Not only wasn’t he funny, everybody on the show hated him. He wasn’t even invited to the cast party after the show, the first time in SNL history that ever happened. Hell, they even invited Steven Seagal when he hosted, what does that tell you?”

When asked why he waited until now to go public with the split, Manning said it was an accumulation of years of frustration, finally brought to head by his impending marriage.    

“Everybody just assumes Peyton will be my best man. My answer is this: Not until hell freezes over. He’ll just hog the spotlight and probably want to film a commercial at the reception.”

And who will be his best man? 

Taciturn Giant coach Tom Coughlin.

"At least I know he won't try to be funny," said Eli Manning.

 

<< Back

Reader Responses
Nov 28, 2007 10:37 AM
FireChief
Clearly a case of Manningfest Distancing.
Bill Lumbergh Lives
Nov 27, 2007 9:43 PM
Arch
LAY OFF MY FAMILY!
  • “Karma never forgets," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' 2015 debut, a first round 73, tied for 104th-place turd at the Waste Management Phoenix Open.
  • NJ Governor Chris Christie's claim that he travelled late Monday night to Dallas Texas to help Cowboys owner Jerry Jones with snow removal at AT & T stadium is being questioned by the FBI. "It's 73 in Dallas today," a G-man told eTrueSports. "Something's real rotten here."
  • A protest outside CBS headquarters demanding the return of fired NBA analyst Greg Anthony was dispersed by the NYPD. "Neither of them had their hearts in it," cop tells eTrueSports.
  • OKC's Russell Westbrook will take a week's leave of absence from the Thunder to take an 'immersive' Dale Carnegie course. "My first priority is learning how to make friends with fat motherf**king reporters," Westbrook explained.
  • In Dog Show news, Sarah Palin has called for the banning of Afghan Hounds from all U.S. competitions. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • With rumors the Knicks may move to the D-league, Jeanie Buss reportedly told fiancee Phil Jackson she would not go house hunting in Fort Wayne, Indiana, sources have told eTrueSports.
  • Sources close to Condoleezza Rice deny that the incoming NFL Commissioner is pressuring Dan Snyder to change his team's name to the Washington Mushroom Clouds.
  • The American Birther Party has withdrawn an invitation to former Chicago Bear player and coach Mike Ditka to address their annual convention in Idaho. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," a Birther spokesman told eTrueSports.
  • "A dream come true," a source close to the Cleveland Indians told eTrueSports about the media attention focused on the Washington Redskins offensive nickname.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!