The Manning Wars: Eli and Peyton Trade Accusations * Eli: "My brother's a bastard and he ain't funny, either"

The Manning Wars: Eli and Peyton Trade Accusations

Nov 25, 2007

UPDATED BREAKING STORY

The once thisclose Manning brothers have taken sibling rivalry to a whole new level. After learning that Eli had accused him of, among other things, being a "bastard," Peyton Manning fired back with a dramatic accusation, questioning whether Eli was even his brother at all.

"Do you think any real son of Archie's would get picked 4 times - 3 for TDs - in one game?" spat out Peyton, referring to younger "brother" Eli's disastrous performance over the weekend against the Minnesota Vikings. "He looks lost out there. Real Mannings don't look lost."

You've seen the commercial, right?" Peyton Manning continued, referring to an ad in which Arizona quarterback Matt Leinart is presented as extraordinarily close to Archie and Olivia Manning. "Why do you think they used Matty in the commercial? Who do you think looks more like Archie, him or Eli?"

When asked about Peyton's stunning assertion, Archie Manning said, "Matty and Eli are both good boys." Olivia Manning had a terse, "No comment."

ORIGINAL STORY

Forget The Commercials; "Peyton Ain't Funny."

New York - Eli Manning has had enough. “My brother’s a bastard,” said Manning, about his brother, Peyton, in an exclusive interview with eTrueSports, “and it’s time the world knows it.

“Everybody thinks they know him because of the commercials,” Manning added between clenched teeth. “Well, that’s bull. One thing I can tell you, he ain’t funny.”

Manning said the entire family was flabbergasted when Peyton was chosen to host Saturday Night Live. “Not only wasn’t he funny, everybody on the show hated him. He wasn’t even invited to the cast party after the show, the first time in SNL history that ever happened. Hell, they even invited Steven Seagal when he hosted, what does that tell you?”

When asked why he waited until now to go public with the split, Manning said it was an accumulation of years of frustration, finally brought to head by his impending marriage.

“Everybody just assumes Peyton will be my best man. My answer is this: Not until hell freezes over. He’ll just hog the spotlight and probably want to film a commercial at the reception.”

And who will be his best man?

Taciturn Giant coach Tom Coughlin.

"At least I know he won't try to be funny," said Eli Manning.

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Reader Responses

Nov 28, 2007 10:37 AM

FireChief

Clearly a case of Manningfest Distancing.

Bill Lumbergh Lives

Nov 27, 2007 9:43 PM

Arch

LAY OFF MY FAMILY!

Play Ball with Stop-Motion

Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues

After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset.

"However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying."

Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial.

"We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach.

Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field."

"It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses."

World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London.

"If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury.

"My hand hurts," said Dustin Johnson after failing to write "I will not ground my club in bunkers anymore" 1,000 times on Whistling Straits' main blackboard. "He's 11 sentences short," said a PGA spokesman in announcing Johnson's immediate suspension. "Rules are rules."

Heard any good rumors?
Email the publisher!

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<< Back The Manning Wars: Eli and Peyton Trade Accusations Nov 25, 2007 UPDATED BREAKING STORY The once thisclose Manning brothers have taken sibling rivalry to a whole new level. After learning that Eli had accused him of, among other things, being a "bastard," Peyton Manning fired back with a dramatic accusation, questioning whether Eli was even his brother at all. "Do you think any real son of Archie's would get picked 4 times - 3 for TDs - in one game?" spat out Peyton, referring to younger "brother" Eli's disastrous performance over the weekend against the Minnesota Vikings. "He looks lost out there. Real Mannings don't look lost." You've seen the commercial, right?" Peyton Manning continued, referring to an ad in which Arizona quarterback Matt Leinart is presented as extraordinarily close to Archie and Olivia Manning. "Why do you think they used Matty in the commercial? Who do you think looks more like Archie, him or Eli?" When asked about Peyton's stunning assertion, Archie Manning said, "Matty and Eli are both good boys." Olivia Manning had a terse, "No comment." ORIGINAL STORY Forget The Commercials; "Peyton Ain't Funny." New York - Eli Manning has had enough. “My brother’s a bastard,” said Manning, about his brother, Peyton, in an exclusive interview with eTrueSports, “and it’s time the world knows it. “Everybody thinks they know him because of the commercials,” Manning added between clenched teeth. “Well, that’s bull. One thing I can tell you, he ain’t funny.” Manning said the entire family was flabbergasted when Peyton was chosen to host Saturday Night Live. “Not only wasn’t he funny, everybody on the show hated him. He wasn’t even invited to the cast party after the show, the first time in SNL history that ever happened. Hell, they even invited Steven Seagal when he hosted, what does that tell you?” When asked why he waited until now to go public with the split, Manning said it was an accumulation of years of frustration, finally brought to head by his impending marriage. “Everybody just assumes Peyton will be my best man. My answer is this: Not until hell freezes over. He’ll just hog the spotlight and probably want to film a commercial at the reception.” And who will be his best man? Taciturn Giant coach Tom Coughlin. "At least I know he won't try to be funny," said Eli Manning. << Back Respond to this article \| Email this article to a friend Reader Responses Nov 28, 2007 10:37 AM FireChief Clearly a case of Manningfest Distancing. Bill Lumbergh Lives Nov 27, 2007 9:43 PM Arch LAY OFF MY FAMILY! Play Ball with Stop-Motion Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset. "However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying." Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial. "We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach. Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field." "It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses." World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London. "If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury. "My hand hurts," said Dustin Johnson after failing to write "I will not ground my club in bunkers anymore" 1,000 times on Whistling Straits' main blackboard. "He's 11 sentences short," said a PGA spokesman in announcing Johnson's immediate suspension. "Rules are rules." Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! eTrueSports Columnist Frank Coffey Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA eTrueSports Columnist Thomas Dolt Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist eTrueSports Columnist Downs MacRury The Boras Files eTrueSports Columnist Ray Dougela Golf The Way It Oughta Be eTrueSports Columnist Burke Terry Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team eTrueSports Columnist Chris Simmons The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco eTrueSports Columnist Bookie Mom The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		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