eTrueSports Logo Saturday, August 30th, 2014
 
<< Back

The Manning Wars: Eli and Peyton Trade Accusations

Nov 25, 2007

UPDATED BREAKING STORY

The once thisclose Manning brothers have taken sibling rivalry to a whole new level. After learning that Eli had accused him of, among other things, being a "bastard," Peyton Manning fired back with a dramatic accusation, questioning whether Eli was even his brother at all.

"Do you think any real son of Archie's would get picked 4 times - 3 for TDs - in one game?" spat out Peyton, referring to younger "brother" Eli's disastrous performance over the weekend against the Minnesota Vikings. "He looks lost out there. Real Mannings don't look lost."

You've seen the commercial, right?" Peyton Manning continued, referring to an ad in which Arizona quarterback Matt Leinart is presented as extraordinarily close to Archie and Olivia Manning. "Why do you think they used Matty in the commercial? Who do you think looks more like Archie, him or Eli?"

When asked about Peyton's stunning assertion, Archie Manning said, "Matty and Eli are both good boys."  Olivia Manning had a terse, "No comment."

ORIGINAL STORY

Forget The Commercials; "Peyton Ain't Funny."

New York - Eli Manning has had enough. “My brother’s a bastard,” said Manning, about his brother, Peyton, in an exclusive interview with eTrueSports, “and it’s time the world knows it.

“Everybody thinks they know him because of the commercials,” Manning added between clenched teeth. “Well, that’s bull. One thing I can tell you, he ain’t funny.”

Manning said the entire family was flabbergasted when Peyton was chosen to host Saturday Night Live. “Not only wasn’t he funny, everybody on the show hated him. He wasn’t even invited to the cast party after the show, the first time in SNL history that ever happened. Hell, they even invited Steven Seagal when he hosted, what does that tell you?”

When asked why he waited until now to go public with the split, Manning said it was an accumulation of years of frustration, finally brought to head by his impending marriage.    

“Everybody just assumes Peyton will be my best man. My answer is this: Not until hell freezes over. He’ll just hog the spotlight and probably want to film a commercial at the reception.”

And who will be his best man? 

Taciturn Giant coach Tom Coughlin.

"At least I know he won't try to be funny," said Eli Manning.

 

<< Back

Reader Responses
Nov 28, 2007 10:37 AM
FireChief
Clearly a case of Manningfest Distancing.
Bill Lumbergh Lives
Nov 27, 2007 9:43 PM
Arch
LAY OFF MY FAMILY!
  • The American Birther Party has withdrawn an invitation to former Chicago Bear player and coach Mike Ditka to address their annual convention in Miami. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," a Birther spokesman told eTrueSports.
  • In Dog Show news, Sarah Palin has called for the banning of Afghan Hounds from all U.S. competitions. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • "A dream come true," a source close to the Cleveland Indians told eTrueSports about the media attention focused on the Washington Redskins offensive nickname.
  • "Karma's a bitch and she's got a long memory," a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society told eTrueSports after learning that Tiger Woods failed to make the cut in the 2014 PGA Championship.
  • Amazon Publishing announced it will release Jason R. Kidd's "Integrity in Life, Work & Athletics," with a forward by Skip Bayless, in time for the opening of the NBA 2014-15 season. "It's a quick read," said an Amazon spokesman.
  • Jason Kidd reportedly told the Nets he had been diagnosed with early-onset megalomania, and needed "to concentrate 100% on myself to get better and richer."
  • Antiseptic ointment giant Bacitracin is set to name Uruguayan soccer star Luis Suarez a national spokesperson, eTrueSports has learned.
  • After discovering his NFL health care plan doesn't cover concussions, commissioner Roger Goodell announced he will no longer call Native Americans "Redskins" to their faces.
  • For a second consecutive year, TNT's Chris Webber received the coveted "Most Muted Award" from the American Basketball Fans Association. "It almost seemed pointless to vote," said an ABFA spokesman.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!