eTrueSports Logo Wednesday, March 4th, 2015
 
<< Back

The Manning Wars: Eli and Peyton Trade Accusations

Nov 25, 2007

UPDATED BREAKING STORY

The once thisclose Manning brothers have taken sibling rivalry to a whole new level. After learning that Eli had accused him of, among other things, being a "bastard," Peyton Manning fired back with a dramatic accusation, questioning whether Eli was even his brother at all.

"Do you think any real son of Archie's would get picked 4 times - 3 for TDs - in one game?" spat out Peyton, referring to younger "brother" Eli's disastrous performance over the weekend against the Minnesota Vikings. "He looks lost out there. Real Mannings don't look lost."

You've seen the commercial, right?" Peyton Manning continued, referring to an ad in which Arizona quarterback Matt Leinart is presented as extraordinarily close to Archie and Olivia Manning. "Why do you think they used Matty in the commercial? Who do you think looks more like Archie, him or Eli?"

When asked about Peyton's stunning assertion, Archie Manning said, "Matty and Eli are both good boys."  Olivia Manning had a terse, "No comment."

ORIGINAL STORY

Forget The Commercials; "Peyton Ain't Funny."

New York - Eli Manning has had enough. “My brother’s a bastard,” said Manning, about his brother, Peyton, in an exclusive interview with eTrueSports, “and it’s time the world knows it.

“Everybody thinks they know him because of the commercials,” Manning added between clenched teeth. “Well, that’s bull. One thing I can tell you, he ain’t funny.”

Manning said the entire family was flabbergasted when Peyton was chosen to host Saturday Night Live. “Not only wasn’t he funny, everybody on the show hated him. He wasn’t even invited to the cast party after the show, the first time in SNL history that ever happened. Hell, they even invited Steven Seagal when he hosted, what does that tell you?”

When asked why he waited until now to go public with the split, Manning said it was an accumulation of years of frustration, finally brought to head by his impending marriage.    

“Everybody just assumes Peyton will be my best man. My answer is this: Not until hell freezes over. He’ll just hog the spotlight and probably want to film a commercial at the reception.”

And who will be his best man? 

Taciturn Giant coach Tom Coughlin.

"At least I know he won't try to be funny," said Eli Manning.

 

<< Back

Reader Responses
Nov 28, 2007 10:37 AM
FireChief
Clearly a case of Manningfest Distancing.
Bill Lumbergh Lives
Nov 27, 2007 9:43 PM
Arch
LAY OFF MY FAMILY!
  • Breaking: According to sources Lance Armstrong is set to star in Fox's new summer sitcom, "A Return To Gullible Island," and will sing the show's theme song, "A Three Hour Tour de France."
  • After learning at least two NFL officials stole in-play game balls intended for charity, top PR crisis firm DBBO WideWorld has resigned the NFL account. "It's hopeless," said a DBBO spokesman.
  • Developing Story: Nation shocked that Ultimate Fighting is a drug-drenched brutal spectacle.
  • Ultimate Fighting in negotiations with PBS for children's show. "We think kids will love watching other kids kick one another in the face," said UFC president Dana White, "plus they'll learn about tattoos."
  • The American Delusional Narcissist Society is set to induct Alex Rodriguez and Donald Trump into its Hall of Fame, eTruesports has learned.
  • According to sources in Finland, Jameis Winston failed to qualify for the upcoming World Mobile Phone Throwing Championships in Savonlinna, FI.
  • Sarah Palin has called on the Westminster Kennel Club to ban Afghan Hounds from their 139th Annual Dog Show. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • During a bizarre Pebble Beach interview Clint Eastwood suggested NHL experiment with 'Death Penalty Box.'
  • In NASCAR news, the pre-eminent stock car racing organization announced commitment to carbon neutrality by century's end.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!