eTrueSports Logo Monday, February 8th, 2016
 
<< Back

The Manning Wars: Eli and Peyton Trade Accusations

Nov 25, 2007

UPDATED BREAKING STORY

The once thisclose Manning brothers have taken sibling rivalry to a whole new level. After learning that Eli had accused him of, among other things, being a "bastard," Peyton Manning fired back with a dramatic accusation, questioning whether Eli was even his brother at all.

"Do you think any real son of Archie's would get picked 4 times - 3 for TDs - in one game?" spat out Peyton, referring to younger "brother" Eli's disastrous performance over the weekend against the Minnesota Vikings. "He looks lost out there. Real Mannings don't look lost."

You've seen the commercial, right?" Peyton Manning continued, referring to an ad in which Arizona quarterback Matt Leinart is presented as extraordinarily close to Archie and Olivia Manning. "Why do you think they used Matty in the commercial? Who do you think looks more like Archie, him or Eli?"

When asked about Peyton's stunning assertion, Archie Manning said, "Matty and Eli are both good boys."  Olivia Manning had a terse, "No comment."

ORIGINAL STORY

Forget The Commercials; "Peyton Ain't Funny."

New York - Eli Manning has had enough. “My brother’s a bastard,” said Manning, about his brother, Peyton, in an exclusive interview with eTrueSports, “and it’s time the world knows it.

“Everybody thinks they know him because of the commercials,” Manning added between clenched teeth. “Well, that’s bull. One thing I can tell you, he ain’t funny.”

Manning said the entire family was flabbergasted when Peyton was chosen to host Saturday Night Live. “Not only wasn’t he funny, everybody on the show hated him. He wasn’t even invited to the cast party after the show, the first time in SNL history that ever happened. Hell, they even invited Steven Seagal when he hosted, what does that tell you?”

When asked why he waited until now to go public with the split, Manning said it was an accumulation of years of frustration, finally brought to head by his impending marriage.    

“Everybody just assumes Peyton will be my best man. My answer is this: Not until hell freezes over. He’ll just hog the spotlight and probably want to film a commercial at the reception.”

And who will be his best man? 

Taciturn Giant coach Tom Coughlin.

"At least I know he won't try to be funny," said Eli Manning.

 

<< Back

Reader Responses
Nov 28, 2007 10:37 AM
FireChief
Clearly a case of Manningfest Distancing.
Bill Lumbergh Lives
Nov 27, 2007 9:43 PM
Arch
LAY OFF MY FAMILY!
  • Donald J. Trump calls for MMA cage fighting to replace baseball as US's National Pastime. "It's as vulgar and ugly as I am," praised the former reality TV star.
  • Papa John's "cheap shitty pizza a disgrace to America," says Al-Jazerra TV responding to criticism from the pie company's spokesman Peyton Manning.
  • Goodyear has offered Chris Christie $1 million for digital naming rights to the NJ governor's stomach. "Blimp them," said Christie.
  • Irate Papa John's exec Peyton Manning denies chain adds HGH to pizzas: "Total garbage. Everyone knows that stuff makes you nauseous."
  • A crowd supporting the Kings' Rajon Rondo was broken up by Sacramento police today. "Neither of 'em had their hearts in it," officer says.
  • In rare public statement Alcoholics Anonymous calls former USC coach Steve Sarkasian a "weasel and phony who wouldn't know a Step from a stoop;" narcissist is first person in U.S. history banned from AA meetings.
  • BREAKING: Trump bars delivery of all Middle Eastern food from NY's Trump Tower. "Today's falafel eater is tomorrow's terrorist," Trump said.
  • After calling liberals "concussion alarmists" Flat Earth Society withdraws speaking invite to ESPN's Danny Kanell. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," said FES spokesman.
  • Supreme Court judge Antonin Scalia clarifies recent remarks: "Ok for negroes" to attend top schools if they can run 100 yard dash in under 11 seconds.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!