Petrino Pledges To Keep Moving Until Housing Crisis Eases * Former Arkansas coach promises to move "somewhere"

Petrino Pledges To Keep Moving Until Housing Crisis Eases

Apr 11, 2012

Fayetteville, AK – In what is being described as a “courageous and selfless” decision, fired Arkansas Razorbacks football coach Bobby Petrino announced today that he would commit to buying another house, his sixth in the last 11 years, as soon as he found an organization "dumb enough" to hire him.

“Everyone knows America faces a housing crisis,” said Petrino in an emotional press conference, “and I feel it is my responsibility to give back.”

Petrino, who was canned on April 11th for "reckless and irresponsible behavior" involving a girl and a motorcycle, said he was not sure whether his 25-year old mistress, Jessica Dorrell, would be making the move.

"I'll probably have to talk to the Mrs. about that," Petrino joked, the only light moment at the otherwise somber press gathering.

"We hope Bob's decision will encourage others when they are fired to relocate and buy new – or, God forbid, even used – houses,” said Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney in a statement praising Petrino, now the former Jacksonville/ Auburn/Louisville/Atlanta/Arkansas coach.

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Reader Responses

Apr 12, 2012 9:08 AM

Dukie4ever

She may be a Razorback, but she's no pig....

Apr 11, 2012 7:44 PM

I think New Orleans' search may be over......

Elvis's Masters' classic: "In The Bunker"

Michael Phelps for The Clean Bong Water Foundation

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After selling the naming rights to their football building - now Geo Group Stadium - to a private prison company, Florida Atlantic University denied the "The Perps" (formerly "The Owls") would compete in black and white striped uniforms. "That would be tacky," explained FAU President Mary Jane Saunders.

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<< Back Petrino Pledges To Keep Moving Until Housing Crisis Eases Apr 11, 2012 Fayetteville, AK – In what is being described as a “courageous and selfless” decision, fired Arkansas Razorbacks football coach Bobby Petrino announced today that he would commit to buying another house, his sixth in the last 11 years, as soon as he found an organization "dumb enough" to hire him. “Everyone knows America faces a housing crisis,” said Petrino in an emotional press conference, “and I feel it is my responsibility to give back.” Petrino, who was canned on April 11th for "reckless and irresponsible behavior" involving a girl and a motorcycle, said he was not sure whether his 25-year old mistress, Jessica Dorrell, would be making the move. "I'll probably have to talk to the Mrs. about that," Petrino joked, the only light moment at the otherwise somber press gathering. "We hope Bob's decision will encourage others when they are fired to relocate and buy new – or, God forbid, even used – houses,” said Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney in a statement praising Petrino, now the former Jacksonville/ Auburn/Louisville/Atlanta/Arkansas coach. << Back Respond to this article \| Email this article to a friend \| Reader Responses Apr 12, 2012 9:08 AM Dukie4ever She may be a Razorback, but she's no pig.... Apr 11, 2012 7:44 PM Yo I think New Orleans' search may be over...... Elvis's Masters' classic: "In The Bunker" Michael Phelps for The Clean Bong Water Foundation In what some are saying could be a poignant end to a once promising second career, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling American Caucasian Basketball League have ended negotiations with Sarah Palin to become the team's new mascot Barky. "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman. Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Ironically, negotations with his own mother to play herself "have not gone well." Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning. Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better." TMZ is reporting that the Grizzlies' Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter in Tuesday's 88-84 victory over the Thunder. “Karma’s a bitch," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' DQ-less loss at The Masters. The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake." The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman. After selling the naming rights to their football building - now Geo Group Stadium - to a private prison company, Florida Atlantic University denied the "The Perps" (formerly "The Owls") would compete in black and white striped uniforms. "That would be tacky," explained FAU President Mary Jane Saunders. Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		Rare photo of golfer Bubba Watson thinking Drug scandal PR dream for A-Rod's new cereal FIFA logo could be controversial MLB's latest scandal: Pie? Cubs new logo a sure winner
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