Garden To Be Re-Branded 'World's Most Dysfunctional Arena' * Team Adds New Internship Program: 'Romping with Starbury'

Garden To Be Re-Branded 'World's Most Dysfunctional Arena'

Sep 30, 2007

Team Also Announces New Internship Program, 'Romping With Starbury'

New York - In the wake of New York Knickerbockers' president and coach Isiah Thomas being found guilty of sexual harassment, James Dolan, chairman of Madison Square Garden, has announced that ‘The World's Most Famous Arena’ will be re-branded as ‘The World's Most Dysfunctional Arena.’

Immediately after the verdict Thomas and star point guard, Stephon Marbury, introduced a groundbreaking new internship program called, 'Romping With Starbury.'

According to Madison Square Garden, women 21-and-under may be eligible to have some fun with Marbury in the backseat of his new SUV.

"I think this could be very instructive for ambitious young women who want to learn how to get ahead at MSG," Thomas explained.

The Garden asked that all women submit photos, preferably revealing ones, a Parental Consent Form (if the candidate is under age 18), and a Notarized Waiver of Responsibility.

“What can I say? I like chicks,” Marbury said, who thanked his wife for her “support and understanding.”

In a spirited back-and-forth press conference introducing 'The Joint Where Anything Goes' re-branding, Dolan, son of billionaire Charles Dolan, firmly said, "I can do whatever I want to do."

Later, Dolan entertained journalists by singing an original song which included the verse: “We’ll have some fun. As long as you remember: I’m Chuck Do-lan’s son!”

Explaining James Dolan’s somewhat unusual performance, a Garden spokesman said that the high-spirited Dolan was a former professional rock musician who once shared a stage with the Hanson Brothers.

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Reader Responses

Oct 2, 2007 1:53 PM

lucid eye

I'm shocked, shocked that Isiah has been found guilty. I thought good-looking, glib, sports stars were always innocent. Hope this doesn't mean the end of the promising Romping With Starbury internship program.

Oct 1, 2007 10:47 PM

These guys deserve all the abuse we can possibly heap on them. Isiah was one of my favorite players ever, and it sure looks likes he's turned out to just another louse. Ridicule is the best revenge, good work!

Play Ball with Stop-Motion

Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues

After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset.

"However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying."

Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial.

"We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach.

Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field."

"It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses."

World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London.

"If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury.

"My hand hurts," said Dustin Johnson after failing to write "I will not ground my club in bunkers anymore" 1,000 times on Whistling Straits' main blackboard. "He's 11 sentences short," said a PGA spokesman in announcing Johnson's immediate suspension. "Rules are rules."

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<< Back Garden To Be Re-Branded 'World's Most Dysfunctional Arena' Sep 30, 2007 Team Also Announces New Internship Program, 'Romping With Starbury' New York - In the wake of New York Knickerbockers' president and coach Isiah Thomas being found guilty of sexual harassment, James Dolan, chairman of Madison Square Garden, has announced that ‘The World's Most Famous Arena’ will be re-branded as ‘The World's Most Dysfunctional Arena.’ Immediately after the verdict Thomas and star point guard, Stephon Marbury, introduced a groundbreaking new internship program called, 'Romping With Starbury.' According to Madison Square Garden, women 21-and-under may be eligible to have some fun with Marbury in the backseat of his new SUV. "I think this could be very instructive for ambitious young women who want to learn how to get ahead at MSG," Thomas explained. The Garden asked that all women submit photos, preferably revealing ones, a Parental Consent Form (if the candidate is under age 18), and a Notarized Waiver of Responsibility. “What can I say? I like chicks,” Marbury said, who thanked his wife for her “support and understanding.” In a spirited back-and-forth press conference introducing 'The Joint Where Anything Goes' re-branding, Dolan, son of billionaire Charles Dolan, firmly said, "I can do whatever I want to do." Later, Dolan entertained journalists by singing an original song which included the verse: “We’ll have some fun. As long as you remember: I’m Chuck Do-lan’s son!” Explaining James Dolan’s somewhat unusual performance, a Garden spokesman said that the high-spirited Dolan was a former professional rock musician who once shared a stage with the Hanson Brothers. << Back Respond to this article \| Email this article to a friend Reader Responses Oct 2, 2007 1:53 PM lucid eye I'm shocked, shocked that Isiah has been found guilty. I thought good-looking, glib, sports stars were always innocent. Hope this doesn't mean the end of the promising Romping With Starbury internship program. Oct 1, 2007 10:47 PM ed These guys deserve all the abuse we can possibly heap on them. Isiah was one of my favorite players ever, and it sure looks likes he's turned out to just another louse. Ridicule is the best revenge, good work! Play Ball with Stop-Motion Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset. "However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying." Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial. "We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach. Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field." "It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses." World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London. "If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury. "My hand hurts," said Dustin Johnson after failing to write "I will not ground my club in bunkers anymore" 1,000 times on Whistling Straits' main blackboard. "He's 11 sentences short," said a PGA spokesman in announcing Johnson's immediate suspension. "Rules are rules." Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! eTrueSports Columnist Frank Coffey Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA eTrueSports Columnist Thomas Dolt Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist eTrueSports Columnist Downs MacRury The Boras Files eTrueSports Columnist Ray Dougela Golf The Way It Oughta Be eTrueSports Columnist Burke Terry Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team eTrueSports Columnist Chris Simmons The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco eTrueSports Columnist Bookie Mom The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		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