UFC To Merge With Indy Car Racing * New sport will be called Martial Carts

UFC To Merge With Indy Car Racing

Jan 29, 2010

Eye Gouging at 240 MPH

Violence and Velocity, What's Not To Like?

Indianapolis, IN and Las Vegas, NV - Indy Car Racing announced a merger with Ultimate Fighting to form a new sport, Martial Carts, whose "RaceBouts", will feature, according to press materials, "eye gouging at 240 mph."

"We've been looking for years for a way to combine speed and violence to grow our sport," said a spokesman for IRL's corporate parent, Hulman and Co. "This is a marriage guraranteed to generate court orders of protection."

UFC's owners, Frank and Lorenzo Fertitta, said they looked forward to "new levels of bloodlust" and meeting Danica Patrick.

"Those Indy drivers are practically midgets," said a source close to Ultimate Fighting. "They're gonna get their butts kicked. Hell, anybody can learn how to drive."

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Reader Responses

Feb 2, 2010 11:22 AM

Worried

I hope to God this doesn't decrease the time Danny spends on her Go Daddy commercials.

Play Ball with Stop-Motion

Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues

An eTrueSports audit has revealed that Tiger Woods' $750 million divorce settlement would pay for the adult male population of Lomita, CA (8,000) to each have a weekly escort service visit ($300/night) for the next six years.

After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset.

"However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying."

Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial.

"We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach.

Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field."

"It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses."

World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London.

"If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury.

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	Tuesday, September 7th, 2010
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<< Back UFC To Merge With Indy Car Racing Jan 29, 2010 Eye Gouging at 240 MPH Violence and Velocity, What's Not To Like? Indianapolis, IN and Las Vegas, NV - Indy Car Racing announced a merger with Ultimate Fighting to form a new sport, Martial Carts, whose "RaceBouts", will feature, according to press materials, "eye gouging at 240 mph." "We've been looking for years for a way to combine speed and violence to grow our sport," said a spokesman for IRL's corporate parent, Hulman and Co. "This is a marriage guraranteed to generate court orders of protection." UFC's owners, Frank and Lorenzo Fertitta, said they looked forward to "new levels of bloodlust" and meeting Danica Patrick. "Those Indy drivers are practically midgets," said a source close to Ultimate Fighting. "They're gonna get their butts kicked. Hell, anybody can learn how to drive." << Back Respond to this article \| Email this article to a friend Reader Responses Feb 2, 2010 11:22 AM Worried I hope to God this doesn't decrease the time Danny spends on her Go Daddy commercials. Play Ball with Stop-Motion Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues An eTrueSports audit has revealed that Tiger Woods' $750 million divorce settlement would pay for the adult male population of Lomita, CA (8,000) to each have a weekly escort service visit ($300/night) for the next six years. After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset. "However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying." Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial. "We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach. Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field." "It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses." World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London. "If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury. Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! eTrueSports Columnist Frank Coffey Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA eTrueSports Columnist Thomas Dolt Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist eTrueSports Columnist Downs MacRury The Boras Files eTrueSports Columnist Ray Dougela Golf The Way It Oughta Be eTrueSports Columnist Burke Terry Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team eTrueSports Columnist Chris Simmons The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco eTrueSports Columnist Bookie Mom The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		McCourt divorce prompts Torre to quit Wizard of Oz remake Scott Boras retreats to NewportBeachistan Fake ad attempts to embarrass Roger Clemens, Mr. Bush Packer backer? New movie hints at Favre return to Green Bay Cubs new logo may have played part in Piniella's retirement
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