eTrueSports Logo Monday, May 20th, 2013
 
<< Back

Carbon Neutral Lifestyle Blamed For Manny’s Slide

Oct 6, 2009

(Editor's note: in the Dodgers' game 3 Division clinching victory over the Cardinals, Ramirez was 3-for-5 and had his first two rbi's of the series. The game was played in St. Louis and Ramirez took a cab to Busch Stadium.)

Biking To Dodger Games Takes Its Toll
 
Los Angeles, CA - When Manny Ramirez  returned to the Dodgers after missing 50 games due to a drug suspension, he shared with his teammates that he had made the intensely personal decision to commit to a carbon neutral lifestyle. As part of that commitment, Ramirez announced he would bike to Dodger Stadium from his Holmby Hills condo, and back, a total of 18 miles, for the team's remaining homes games.
 
Many are now asking is it any wonder that Ramirez’s second half performance, including a .167 batting average in his last 10 games and no homers in 49 at bats, tanked?

“The man's exhausted,” said a source who required anonymity in exchange for speaking about the Dodger slugger. 
 
Ramirez denied the conjecture. “I like to pedal,” explained Ramirez. “It makes me happy.”
 
“There are a lot of canyons in LA," said the Dodger source. "And let’s face it; this is not a well conditioned athlete.”
 
“He's a fruitcake," said catcher Russell Martin, one of the few Dodgers who would speak on the record. "The Rockies have probably been paying for his inner tubes. It almost worked. And now we're screwed because he's too tired to hit because he likes to ride his bike. It's nuts.”

The Dodgers nearly blew a huge lead to the Colorado Rockies in late September. They face the Cardinals in the NL Division Series beginning Wednesday. 

"St. Louis is a good biking city," commented Ramirez. "No hills."
 
After his eco-conversion, Ramirez lobbied his fellow Dodgers to embrace green principles. "Joe Torre told me he would use biofuel to power his computer,” said Ramirez proudly. “And Randy Wolf is going to install solar panels over his locker.
 
“I asked (Dodger owner Frank) McCourt to change the team color. Dodger Green has a real ring to it. He said he’d probably do it. He drives a Prius."

<< Back

Reader Responses
No responses for this article
  • In what some are saying could be a poignant end to a once promising second career, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling American Caucasian Basketball League have ended negotiations with Sarah Palin to become the team's new mascot Barky. "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman.
  • Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Ironically, negotations with his own mother to play herself "have not gone well."
  • Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning.
  • Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better."
  • TMZ is reporting that the Grizzlies' Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter in Tuesday's 88-84 victory over the Thunder.
  • “Karma’s a bitch," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' DQ-less loss at The Masters.
  • The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake."
  • The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman.
  • After selling the naming rights to their football building - now Geo Group Stadium - to a private prison company, Florida Atlantic University denied the "The Perps" (formerly "The Owls") would compete in black and white striped uniforms. "That would be tacky," explained FAU President Mary Jane Saunders.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!

    My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!