Stern: NBA Not "Going Commie” * Russian Purchase of New Jersey Nets Applauded

Stern: NBA Not "Going Commie”

Sep 25, 2009

Fox's Glenn Beck Says Pinkos Are Everywhere

New York - After encouraging a Russian investor to take over the New Jersey Nets, NBA Commissioner David Stern is denying charges that he is moving the 60-year-old league toward Communism. “The NBA will not go red on my watch,” said Stern. “Yes, Mikhail Prokhorov is a Russian but he’s no communist or socialist. Heck, he even paid for dinner last night.”

Responding to the report, leading neo-conservative pundit Glenn Beck called basketball “an important employer of grateful imported people” and tearfully called on the NBA to “protect America against Russkies and other pinkos who are everywhere.”

Beck vehemently denied a report that his television variety show was planning on dropping selected Communists into boiling water during upcoming sweeps week.

“I would never sell my soul for money," said Fox's Beck. "That wouldn’t be right."

<< Back

Respond to this article | Email this article to a friend |

Reader Responses

Sep 26, 2009 9:38 AM

Yeah, but he'd sell it for better ratings.
And a hooker.

Sep 26, 2009 2:11 AM

Joey D

Deeply, deeply bent. Kudos.

Elvis's Masters' classic: "In The Bunker"

Michael Phelps for The Clean Bong Water Foundation

In what some are saying could be a poignant end to a once promising second career, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling American Caucasian Basketball League have ended negotiations with Sarah Palin to become the team's new mascot Barky. "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman.

Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Ironically, negotations with his own mother to play herself "have not gone well."

Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning.

Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better."

TMZ is reporting that the Grizzlies' Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter in Tuesday's 88-84 victory over the Thunder.

“Karma’s a bitch," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' DQ-less loss at The Masters.

The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake."

The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman.

After selling the naming rights to their football building - now Geo Group Stadium - to a private prison company, Florida Atlantic University denied the "The Perps" (formerly "The Owls") would compete in black and white striped uniforms. "That would be tacky," explained FAU President Mary Jane Saunders.

Heard any good rumors?
Email the publisher!

	Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
Home Video Archive Columns Gallery About Us Contact Links Press Room Widgets Merchandise
<< Back Stern: NBA Not "Going Commie” Sep 25, 2009 Fox's Glenn Beck Says Pinkos Are Everywhere New York - After encouraging a Russian investor to take over the New Jersey Nets, NBA Commissioner David Stern is denying charges that he is moving the 60-year-old league toward Communism. “The NBA will not go red on my watch,” said Stern. “Yes, Mikhail Prokhorov is a Russian but he’s no communist or socialist. Heck, he even paid for dinner last night.” Responding to the report, leading neo-conservative pundit Glenn Beck called basketball “an important employer of grateful imported people” and tearfully called on the NBA to “protect America against Russkies and other pinkos who are everywhere.” Beck vehemently denied a report that his television variety show was planning on dropping selected Communists into boiling water during upcoming sweeps week. “I would never sell my soul for money," said Fox's Beck. "That wouldn’t be right." << Back Respond to this article \| Email this article to a friend \| Reader Responses Sep 26, 2009 9:38 AM Yo Yeah, but he'd sell it for better ratings. And a hooker. Sep 26, 2009 2:11 AM Joey D Deeply, deeply bent. Kudos. Elvis's Masters' classic: "In The Bunker" Michael Phelps for The Clean Bong Water Foundation In what some are saying could be a poignant end to a once promising second career, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling American Caucasian Basketball League have ended negotiations with Sarah Palin to become the team's new mascot Barky. "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman. Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Ironically, negotations with his own mother to play herself "have not gone well." Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning. Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better." TMZ is reporting that the Grizzlies' Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter in Tuesday's 88-84 victory over the Thunder. “Karma’s a bitch," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' DQ-less loss at The Masters. The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake." The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman. After selling the naming rights to their football building - now Geo Group Stadium - to a private prison company, Florida Atlantic University denied the "The Perps" (formerly "The Owls") would compete in black and white striped uniforms. "That would be tacky," explained FAU President Mary Jane Saunders. Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		Rare photo of golfer Bubba Watson thinking Drug scandal PR dream for A-Rod's new cereal FIFA logo could be controversial MLB's latest scandal: Pie? Cubs new logo a sure winner
Terms of Service \| ©2007-2013 eTrueSports.com \| Privacy Policy