eTrueSports Logo Friday, December 19th, 2014
 
<< Back

Stern: NBA Not "Going Commie?

Sep 25, 2009

Fox's Glenn Beck Says Pinkos Are Everywhere
 
New York - After encouraging a Russian investor to take over the New Jersey Nets, NBA Commissioner David Stern is denying charges that he is moving the 60-year-old league  toward Communism. “The NBA will not go red on my watch,” said Stern. “Yes, Mikhail  Prokhorov is a Russian but he’s no communist or socialist. Heck, he even paid for dinner last night.”
 
Responding to the report, leading neo-conservative pundit Glenn Beck called basketball “an important employer of grateful imported people” and tearfully called on the NBA to “protect America against Russkies and other pinkos who are everywhere.” 

Beck vehemently denied a report that his television variety show was planning on dropping selected Communists into boiling water during upcoming sweeps week.
 
“I would never sell my soul for money," said Fox's Beck. "That wouldn’t be right."

<< Back

Reader Responses
Sep 26, 2009 9:38 AM
Yo
Yeah, but he'd sell it for better ratings.
And a hooker.
Sep 26, 2009 2:11 AM
Joey D
Deeply, deeply bent. Kudos.
  • Attention Merril Hoge: Despite 30-0 loss to Bengals, QB Johnny Manziel was Cleveland's 2nd leading rusher with 13 yards. In only five carries.
  • Following the surprising news that the Knicks would move to the NBA's D-league, Phil Jackson's fiancée, the Lakers' Jeanie Buss, has refused to go house hunting in Fort Wayne, Indiana, sources have told eTrueSports.
  • In Dog Show news, Sarah Palin has called for the banning of Afghan Hounds from all U.S. competitions. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • “Karma never forgets," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' tied for last-place finish at the Hero World Challenge.
  • Sources close to Condoleezza Rice deny that the incoming NFL Commissioner is pressuring Dan Snyder to change his team's name to the Washington Mushroom Clouds.
  • The American Birther Party has withdrawn an invitation to former Chicago Bear player and coach Mike Ditka to address their annual convention in Idaho. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," a Birther spokesman told eTrueSports.
  • According to A.C. Neilsen, Fox analyst Harold Reynolds was muted 1,287,354 times during the sixth inning of World Series Game 2, a network television record.
  • SF Giants reliever Hunter Strickland will not be rehired as a mascot for the NBA's Atlanta Hawks, an off-season job the Georgia native has held for three years. "We're afraid he'll scare the younger fans,” a source told eTrueSports.
  • After discovering his NFL health care plan doesn't cover concussions, commissioner Roger Goodell announced he will no longer call Native Americans "Redskins" to their faces.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!