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Plaxico Burress Promises Not To Shoot Himself In The Head

Nov 29, 2008

“I Don’t Want To Waste Bullets” Says Giants WR

Coughlin: "Plax Has Really Grown Up This Year"
New York - NY Giants WR Plaxico Burress, fresh off a Friday night hospitalization for shooting himself in the thigh, denied that his next target would be his brain. “I don’t want to waste bullets,” said Burress.
“I am working my way up my body,” explained Burress, who so far this season has shot himself in the foot ($204,000 in fines) and the leg . “I think I’ll target an arm next, though I’m not sure which one yet. But, again, I pledge to leave my brain untouched.”
“Plaxico has really grown up this year,” commented Giants coach Tom Coughlin, “and whether it's bullet conservation or a better understanding of the importance of brain function, we applaud his decision not to shoot himself in the head.”
“Some people shouldn’t have guns,” observed Dallas Cowboys DB Pacman Jones, an avid hunter, “especially in crowded nightclubs.”
Burress led the Giants with 70 catches for 1,025 yards during the 2007 season, when he played most of the season games with an ankle injury, which, reportedly, was not the result of self-inflicted gun play. He also caught the winning touchdown pass in the final minute of the Giants’ 17-14 victory over the New England Patriots in last season’s Super Bowl.
Though Burress has been suspended, benched, barred, and fined during the current season, Friday’s event at Manhattan’s Latin Quarter was the first time he had been shot in 2008.

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Reader Responses
Nov 30, 2008 2:34 AM
Now I read that the police want to talk to him. He shot himself! Dammit, isn't this still America?
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