New York – The New York Knicks today announced the signing of vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin to a deferred contract which will kick in on November 5. “We need players with a no-questions-asked-killer-instinct,” said Knicks GM Donnie Walsh.

 

“Sarah will do anything to win,” explained James Dolan, Chairman of Madison Square Garden, adding that Palin might multi-task as a Knick City Dancer if she “drops a few pounds and all the religious stuff.”

 

Known as “Sarah Barracuda,” Palin lead the Wasilla Warriors girls basketball team to the 1982 Alaska Small-School Basketball Championship, hitting a critical free throw in the last seconds of the game.

 

A fiscal conservative, Palin has consistently denied that the free throw was actually “free,” asserting that winking and flirting with the middle-aged referee the night before the game actually constituted her first foray into “capital investment.”

 

Upon learning of the signing, Knick coach Mike D’Antoni quipped, "At least we'll do more laughing," apparently confusing Palin with comedienne Tina Fey.

 

Responding to D'Antoni, an annoyed Palin said that as far as she knew the diminutive Fey had “never even competed in athletics,” instead “choosing to spend her time making fun of others and not standing up for America, our country." 

 

Palin, whose net worth is estimated at over $1 million, said she looked forward to “cashing in” on the notoriety she has achieved as a political candidate. “I really hate borrowing Cindy McCain’s clothes,” explained Palin, adding that she had requested a federal bailout for her dry cleaning bills.

 

A source close to Palin said the relationship with Cindy McCain was no joke. “She treats Sarah like white trash, which is hurtful and wrong.”