NFL Announces "Toilet Bowl" For Losers

Oct 27, 2008

Bengals, Lions Leading Candidates

Goodell Spin: "Without Losers, There Truly Would Be No Winners"

Raiders Sue: "We Want In!"

New York - Well-placed tipsters have told eTrueSports that the NFL is contemplating one more postseason game, featuring the league's two worst teams on the Sunday before the Super Bowl. Currently the crappy Cincinnati Bengals (1-8) and the hapless Detroit Lions (0-8) are the leading candidates.

"We suck and we want in," said Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, who announced that the Raiders would immediately file a lawsuit against Commissioner Roger Goodell and the NFL in Federal Court alleging restraint of trade. 

"Without losers," explained Goodell, "there truly would be no winners. We honor the Lions and Bengals, we honor all incompetents everywhere with The Toilet Bowl, which we hope will become an NFL fixture for years to come."

 The league is also taking bids on the naming rights for the game. "Right now it's probably going to be either the Ultra Charmin Bowl or the Ty-D Bowl," a league source said, adding that, "I wouldn't discount the Comet Bowl, though, they've been vigorously trying to scrub their way into the mix."

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has warned teams not to tank games to qualify for the Toilet Bowl, and reportedly has sent memos to the Oakland Raiders and Kansas City Chiefs that he would be watching their games closely.

"How could you possibly tell if they were trying to tank," asked one NFL insider, who requested anonymity, "or whether they plain stink?"

Alluding to the infamous 1983 scoreless tie between Oregon and Oregon State known as “The Toilet Bowl,” the spokesman said, “We expect to hear protests from the nut cases up in Oregon who think they invented the concept. "Take a wild guess where we'll file them."

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