Demands Invitation to Throw Out 2009 First Ball Be Withdrawn

 

Seattle – It seemed like such a good idea. Why not invite nearby Alaska’s charismatic Governor Sarah Palin to throw out the first ball at the Seattle Mariners 2009 home opener? A fresh new face to begin a brand new season of hope. Could a better message be sent to the fans of baseball’s worst team?

 

Then Seattle’s popular Mariner Moose heard about the plan.

 

“I’m terrified,” said Moose, in an exclusive interview with eTrueSports.  “Ms. Palin enjoys hunting and shooting moose. I’m a moose. Hell-lo!”

 

A spokesman for Governor Palin’s office scoffed at Mariner Moose’s comments. “For God’s sake, she’s throwing out the first ball, not field dressing moose. Sounds to us like The Mariner Moose might be a little ‘light in the loafers,’ if you get what we mean.”

Moose called on the Mariners owner, Ninetendo, to immediately cancel Palin's appearance.

 

Animal rights organizations were quick to rush to Mariner Moose’s defense. “Just because moose aren’t very good-looking, some people think it’s OK to kill them,” said a spokesman for PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). “We reject that notion.”

 

A source close to the Mariner’s organization reports that the team is reconsidering the Palin invitation. One plan would have the Governor replaced by local favorite Bill Gates. But, here too, problems immediately arose.

 

“He throws like a girl,” said a former Gates teammate on the Microsoft Maulers softball team.

 

“Maybe we just cancel the 2009 season,” said one long-time member of the Mariner front office who asked not to be identified. “It’s hopeless anyway. We so suck.”