Beijing – In a tragic accident just being reported, Michael Phelps apparently mistakenly ate a Chinese female gymnast at the Olympic Commissary before his final race. “She was in a tan robe lying down after lunch, and Michael thought the girl was an egg roll,” said a USOC spokesman.

 

Phelps voracious eating habits are legendary with the swimmer consuming over 12,000 calories daily. An average breakfast? Three fried-egg sandwiches, a five egg omelet, three slices of French toast, three chocolate-chip pancakes.

 

“He just doesn’t have time to carefully choose what he eats,” said a friend of the swimmer.

 

Witnesses say the girl was consumed in one bite, and likely did not suffer.

 

Phelps initial reaction to the incident – which seemed insensitive to some observers - may, according to a Madison Avenue executive who requested anonymity, hurt him with advertisers. “I’ve always eaten too fast,” said Phelps, “I need to work on that.”

 

It didn’t take long for the Phelps camp to apologize for the swimmer’s first comment which they attributed to Water-Logged Brain Syndrome (WLBS).

“Consuming the gymnast was a terrible but honest mistake,” said a Phelps representative, adding that Michael “hoped the incident would not discourage people from continuing to enjoy Chinese food.”    

 

Fashionistas were quick to blame Chinese officials for “homogenizing” the design of Chinese athletes’ clothes. “This was an accident waiting to happen,” said one haute couture designer, “textured tan robes? What were they thinking?”