Soggy Sockets Cause Stock Seepage

Mountain View, CA – Phelps’ goggles ain’t Google’s fault. Well, Google could have said that, but didn’t. As the controversy over Michael Phelps’ malfunctioning goggles grew today, what a bemused spokesman for Google did say was: “Blame Speedo, we have nothing to do with it.

“All you have to do is Google ‘Google Goggles’ - you won’t find a thing,” said the Google spokesman with a giggle.

Fair enough, because despite the Google goggle name similarity the Mountain View, California technology and advertising company apparently played no role whatsoever in the design of Phelps’ Speedo Sockets, the goggles which have been filling with water and restricting the swimmer’s vision.

“If this is Google’s fault, I’m switching from Gmail to Yahoo!” said a furious Phelps, before learning that the fault apparently was all Speedo’s, the goggle manufacturer.

Phelps’ now infamous leaking Speedo Sockets may end up being a spectacular example of a company grasping defeat from the jaws of victory. Thanks to Speedo’s LAZ-R friction-defying swimsuit, world records at the Beijing Olympics have been falling at, well, record rates, and the company has been garnering global attention and praise.

Until the case of the gurgling goggles.

“Water’s hard to keep out,” said a subdued Speedo representative, “it has a mind of its own.” The company has issued an immediate recall of 3.3 million pairs of Speedo Sockets citing hundreds of reports of broken noses from swimmers smashing into the ends of pools.

“Thanks to Speedo’s seeping Sockets their stock is going in the tank,” said one Wall Street investment analyst who requested his name be withheld.