Stern Rules * NBA Commissioner will referee rest of NBA Finals

Stern Rules

Jun 12, 2008

NBA Commissioner will officiate rest of NBA Finals

“Even though I’m chubby and old, I’m confident I’ll do an excellent job”

New York – In an unprecedented decision for a commissioner of any sport, the NBA’s David Stern has decided to join the officiating crew for the remainder of the NBA Finals.

“The NBA’s very existence is being challenged,” said Stern, regarding statements made by ex-official – and convicted felon – Tim Donaghy alleging referee involvement in the fixing of playoff games in 2002 and 2005.

“Even though I’m chubby and old,” Stern added, “I’m confident I’ll do an excellent job.”

Reactions to Stern’s decisions were mixed.

“You gotta be kidding me,” said veteran referee Steve Javie when informed that he’d be sharing the court with Stern. “What does he know about basketball?”

Both coaches immediately and lavishly praised the Commissioner. “Gandhi-esque in his wisdom,” said the Lakers’ Phil Jackson. “A humanitarian for the ages,” offered the Celtics Doc Rivers.

“He reminds me of me,” said television commentator Charles Barkley, “fat.”

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<< Back Stern Rules Jun 12, 2008 NBA Commissioner will officiate rest of NBA Finals “Even though I’m chubby and old, I’m confident I’ll do an excellent job” New York – In an unprecedented decision for a commissioner of any sport, the NBA’s David Stern has decided to join the officiating crew for the remainder of the NBA Finals. “The NBA’s very existence is being challenged,” said Stern, regarding statements made by ex-official – and convicted felon – Tim Donaghy alleging referee involvement in the fixing of playoff games in 2002 and 2005. “Even though I’m chubby and old,” Stern added, “I’m confident I’ll do an excellent job.” Reactions to Stern’s decisions were mixed. “You gotta be kidding me,” said veteran referee Steve Javie when informed that he’d be sharing the court with Stern. “What does he know about basketball?” Both coaches immediately and lavishly praised the Commissioner. “Gandhi-esque in his wisdom,” said the Lakers’ Phil Jackson. “A humanitarian for the ages,” offered the Celtics Doc Rivers. “He reminds me of me,” said television commentator Charles Barkley, “fat.” << Back Respond to this article \| Email this article to a friend Reader Responses No responses for this article Did A Woman Play For The Senators? Brett Favre's Lost 2008 Jets Promotional Music Video After learning that Red Bull is an official sponsor of the U.S. Olympic Committee, political activist and author Sarah Palin is demanding President Obama immediately oust “all commies” from the United States Olympic Committee. “I wish I’d just beaten the shit out of them,” said a wistful Jets coach Rex Ryan after learning he had been fined $50,000 for a caught-on-video obscene gesture towards fans at an MMA event. BREAKING NEWS: Craig James mediation settlement: Coach Mike Leach will promise not to lock concussed football players in dark rooms; Texas Tech school officials will admit they are gutless weenies. "I'll never buy another Impala SS," announced an angry Sarah Palin, after learning Chevron had unexpectedly cancelled its sponsorship of Alaska's Iditarod race. eTrueSports has learned former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich will not be rehired as a part-time mascot for the Toledo Mud Hens. “He scared the younger fans,” said a source close to the Mud Hens. A month after celebrating his 34th birthday, Tiger Woods reported mail theft to the Windermere, FL police because he had not received birthday cards from any of his friends. Fox Sports announced American Idle, a new primetime reality show featuring bench warmers from a variety of professional sports competing to see who has contributed the least to their team. Lakers’ Adam Morrison is set to host. No snow job. eTrueSports has learned the Vancouver Organzing Committee has moved the men's and women's alpine events to North Carolina's Smokey Mountains. With the NCAA Basketball Tournament a month away, the UConn Huskies women’s team has quietly dropped an exhibition game against the New Jersey Nets. “Teams play to the level of their competition,” explained coach Geno Auriemma. Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! eTrueSports Columnist Frank Coffey Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA eTrueSports Columnist Thomas Dolt Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist eTrueSports Columnist Downs MacRury The Boras Files eTrueSports Columnist Ray Dougela Golf The Way It Oughta Be eTrueSports Columnist Burke Terry Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team eTrueSports Columnist Chris Simmons The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco eTrueSports Columnist Bookie Mom The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		Who Will Be This Season's Hero? Knicks' Latest LeBron James Pitch Unveiled Mark McGwire. Next. Up. Starring Sarah Palin, Directed by Sarah Palin, Sorta written by Cubs New Logo Unveiled
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