eTrueSports Logo Monday, May 20th, 2013
 
<< Back

NBA Will No Longer Keep Score

Jun 11, 2008

Tim Donaghy, NBA Commissioner David Stern and illegal sports betting

Stunning response to new Donaghy gambling allegations 

"It's a big step but we have to do it," says Stern

Barkley surprised: "Most refs only bet the ponies"

New YorkUpdate: In response to the shocking news that convicted referee Tim Donaghy has told federal investigators that other officials had influenced the outcome of NBA playoff games in 2002 and 2005 Commissioner David Stern announced that beginning with the 2008-09 season the league will no longer keep score of their games.

"I am shocked, shocked to find that even more gambling than we first suspected or announced is going on," said Stern.

"Apparently people actually bet money on the outcome of our games," Stern explained. "They even bet on how many points are scored, and on the margin of victory. This is very disappointing to learn.

"The Commissioner has to act. Commencing next season the National Basketball Association will no longer keep score. It's a big step but we have to do it. Gambling has no place in professional sports." 

Louie 'Loose Lips,' a prominent Atlantic City odds-maker who agreed to speak to eTrueSports on condition that his last name be withheld, said the new ban on keeping score would have no effect "whatsoever" on betting on NBA games.

"Gamblers are gonna do what they're gonna do," Mr. 'Loose Lips' said, predicting that the "action" would transfer to betting on the movement of the game's time clock.

"Whatta they gonna do, stop keeping time? No one would know when the games were over. The television people would never stand for that." 

Charles Barkley, a former all-star and current TNT analyst, expressed surprise that referees had been implicated in gambling  on basketball.

"Most refs," Barkley said, "bet the ponies."

<< Back

Reader Responses
Jun 12, 2008 3:33 PM
Will
Long Memory doesn't extend to posting procedure ... pathetic 
Jun 12, 2008 1:55 PM
Long Memory
Further down in that NBA news release, it should be noted, the league announced that the Lakers and Knicks will be paired in next season's NBA Finals -- but only if the Knicks can win 30 games. Failure to win 30 will mean that the Celtics automatically return to the Finals.
Jun 12, 2008 1:55 PM
Long Memory
Further down in that NBA news release, it should be noted, the league announced that the Lakers and Knicks will be paied in next season's NBA Finals -- but only if the Knicks can win 30 games. Failure to win 30 will mean that the Celtics automatically return to the Finals.
  • In what some are saying could be a poignant end to a once promising second career, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling American Caucasian Basketball League have ended negotiations with Sarah Palin to become the team's new mascot Barky. "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman.
  • Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Ironically, negotations with his own mother to play herself "have not gone well."
  • Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning.
  • Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better."
  • TMZ is reporting that the Grizzlies' Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter in Tuesday's 88-84 victory over the Thunder.
  • “Karma’s a bitch," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' DQ-less loss at The Masters.
  • The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake."
  • The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman.
  • After selling the naming rights to their football building - now Geo Group Stadium - to a private prison company, Florida Atlantic University denied the "The Perps" (formerly "The Owls") would compete in black and white striped uniforms. "That would be tacky," explained FAU President Mary Jane Saunders.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!

    My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!