eTrueSports Logo Saturday, May 18th, 2013
 
<< Back

Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals

May 31, 2008

 

Right-handed pitcher insisted on singing National Anthem
 
Kansas City – Mariah Carey yesterday turned down a $3 million incentive-laden contract offer from the struggling Kansas City Royals when the team refused to agree to let the pop diva sing the national anthem. 
 
The Royals’ offer and Carey’s last-of-the-ninth decision began when a Royals scout saw Carey throw a first pitch before a game between the Yomiuri Giants and the Rakuten Eagles, at the Tokyo Dome on May 28. The scout called Royals GM Dayton Moore and recommended they immediately sign the chunky right-hander. “She’s got a great sinker,” reported the scout.
 
Moore called Carey’s representatives who quickly indicated the singer’s interest. Carey, who had reportedly trained hard for her Japanese debut, was intrigued at the prospect of picking up a baseball career that was interrupted when she was dismissed from the Harborfields High School (Greenlawn, Long Island, NY) softball team during her sophomore season for undisclosed “rules violations.”
 
A deal was quickly struck and as just as quickly fell apart. The sticking point? Carey request that she be allowed to regularly sing the national anthem at Kauffman Stadium.
 
"We already got a singer," said Dayton Moore, apparently not a fan of Carey’s music,  “one who can carry a tune. We need a pitcher.”
 
With the precision of a 3-2 cutter on the black, Carey’s baseball career abruptly ended with a called strike three. 
 
“I’m hurt and disappointed,” said Carey through a representative. “I talked to Derek last night” (Jeter, the New York Yankees shortstop who Carey has been romantically linked with) “and he said I’d really be able to help the Royals straighten out their staffs.”

<< Back

Reader Responses
Jun 10, 2008 11:51 AM
Yo

uh, that's with.....I gotta get a new keyboard

Jun 10, 2008 11:50 AM
Yo

FireChief:

So does Bill Lambier, and he hangs wil a LOT of women.  Sort of.

Jun 4, 2008 10:34 PM
FireChief
Dukie may be on to something. Mariah and golf a natural - everybody scores.
Bill Lumbergh Lives
Jun 3, 2008 8:29 AM
Dukie4ever
I saw the U-Tube vid clip of her "throw".  It look more like a pitch and run.  Maybe she should try golf instead!
Jun 2, 2008 7:49 PM
Will
To say Carey throws like a girl demeans all girls.
May 31, 2008 5:57 PM
Yo
I hear she throws a good hook.
  • In what some are saying could be a poignant end to a once promising second career, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling American Caucasian Basketball League have ended negotiations with Sarah Palin to become the team's new mascot Barky. "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman.
  • Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Ironically, negotations with his own mother to play herself "have not gone well."
  • Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning.
  • Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better."
  • TMZ is reporting that the Grizzlies' Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter in Tuesday's 88-84 victory over the Thunder.
  • “Karma’s a bitch," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' DQ-less loss at The Masters.
  • The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake."
  • The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman.
  • After selling the naming rights to their football building - now Geo Group Stadium - to a private prison company, Florida Atlantic University denied the "The Perps" (formerly "The Owls") would compete in black and white striped uniforms. "That would be tacky," explained FAU President Mary Jane Saunders.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!

    My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!