Steinbrenner Blames "Commie Sox" for U.S. Fuel Crisis
May 27, 2008
Points Finger at Energy-Guzzling Fenway Park
Tampa, FL – New York Yankee’s senior vice-president Hank Steinbrenner yesterday blamed the "Commie" Boston Red Sox for the current American fuel crisis, calling Fenway Park an ”energy-guzzling horror show.
“Do you have any idea how much precious oil it costs to heat that dump?” Steinbrenner said. “Fenway’s a drafty, old rat-trap, there’s not a double-paned window in the joint for chrissakes.”
“No wonder America is running on empty. I don't understand how John Henry (the Red Sox owner) can sleep at night."
“If you ask me,” Steinbrenner went on, “this sort of irresponsible use of energy is a grave threat to our American democracy. Why don’t we just call them the Commie Sox, because that’s what they are.”
The Yankees are building a new ballpark that Steinbrenner proudly described as “carbon-neutral, with solar panels and lots of those green lightbulbs.”
"Gosh, I never thought about Fenway's environmental impact before," said Boston outfielder Manny Ramirez who downplayed Steinbrenner's "Commie Sox" comment, calling it "a bit hyperbolic, but I’m certain not a true reflection of Mr. Steinbrenner’s feelings.”
"Hank's a dingbat," said a spokesman for the Red Sox.
You're right. The new stadium is carbon neutral - it's made of concrete! There ain't a nanotube of carbon in that sucker.
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