Boston – Red Sox Nation was thrown into a full bore panic over the weekend when reports surfaced that outfielder Manny Ramirez was studying meditation and philosophy with Yankee Hall of Famer Yogi Berra. The unusual branch of Eastern philosophy is called Mantra Yogi and involves chanting the name Bucky Dent over and over.  

 

The story began to leak last week when Ramirez missed a White House gathering celebrating the Red Sox’s 2007 World Series championship; when Ramirez revealed that the reason for his absence was that he was “chanting with Yogi,” Red Sox management went into crisis mode.

 

“This can’t be anything but bad,” said Sox GM Theo Epstein, in a terse phone call with eTrueSports. “We will take action.”

 

“I like Yogi,” said an unconcerned Ramirez, “he’s not stressed.”

 

The danger, according to Eastern philosophy experts, is that depending on the word being chanted, a mantra can literally “steer consciousness toward its source” – in this case the worst moment in Boston Red Sox history.

 

“Focusing intensely on that sort of negativity,” said a psychologist who requested anonymity due to an ongoing relationship with the Red Sox, “can dramatically effect a patient – or a player’s – productivity. If I were (Red Sox owner) John Henry, I do something, and I’d do it now."

 

According to INTERNET bloggers close to the Red Sox, that something will be an intervention involving Ramirez’s teammates, family and former vice president Al Gore, with whom Ramirez became friendly when they discovered a shared commitment to a carbon neutral lifestyle.