Top Eleven Messages on Brett Favre's Cell
11. This is Brad, call me back on a pay phone 10. You kidding? Minneapolis is much warmer 9. Go north on I-15 to Svenson, take a left and a quarter mile down there’s a diner … 8. Jesse Ventura is not the governor anymore and, no, you won’t have to shake his hand Read more...

Top Eleven Things Overheard at the British Open
11. "England blows” 8. “You know, David Duval has a really wacky sense of humor.” 7. “Yes, Mr. Daly, oscillate is a real word.” 6. “Next on tee, Sandy Lyle. Mr. Lyle? Mr. Lyle? Read more...

Shafted: Stupidity Grips LPGA
Springfield, IL – Continuing a strict new policy of rules enforcement, the LPGA today announced the disqualification of the entire State Farm Classic’s leader board for failing to double knot their shoelaces. "Mis-tying is mis-tying," said Sue Witters, the LPGA’s Director of Tournament Competition, "rules are rules." Read more...

Billy Packer Replaces Cheney
Washington - It didn’t take long for Billy Packer to find a new job. The veteran basketball broadcaster, dismissed by CBS on Tuesday, was hired today to replace Vice President Dick Cheney. “Billy Packer is the funniest man I’ve ever known,” said President George W. Bush. Read more...

Jose Canseco: "I Slept With Fannie Mae"
Los Angeles – “Fannie Mae is obsessed with me,” said ex-MLB All-Star Jose Canesco, apologizing for his role in the current U.S. real estate banking crisis. “I kept telling him I was a bank teller," said Fannie Rae Petaluma of Las Vegas, "but he's not a good listener." Read more...

"Team Testosterone" - Cycling's Future?
Sheboygan, Wisconsin - Promising a new era of transparency in international cycling, BioOrGanicUS, a leading supplement manufacturer, is about to roll out an elite racing organization it will call Team Testosterone. The team - nicknamed T-Squared - will bike to a slogan of, "We're All Juiced Up About Winning." Read more...