eTrueSports Logo Thursday, April 17th, 2014
Read this storyChicago Cubs (goat) noun – 1) a former baseball team
2. (informal) loveable losers. 3. a group of men destined not to succeed. Read more...

Read this storyPickled Mickelson? Breaded Snedeker? Golf's Weirdest Menu
New York (eTrueSports) - Controversial new NYC restaurant Tavern on the Green Jacket, already embroiled in a trademark infringement lawsuit, has released a "Masters Menu" in which every dish "celebrates" a prominent golfer. Not everyone feels celebrated. Read more...

Read this storyUPDATE: NSA Drone Strikes Kill Few If Any At Masters
STORY UPDATE: No recorded deaths from drone strikes during any of the four two days of Masters. Augusta, GA (eTrueSports) - Employing NSA drones equipped with voice recognition technology, the National Security Agency will target and "remove" fans at the Masters who repeatedly shriek "Get in the hole," eTrueSports has learned. Read more...

Read this storyMasters Rumor: Mickelson a Registered Democrat?
UPDATED: Mickelson's missed cut? "Chickens have come home to roost." Augusta, GA (eTrueSports) – With the 2014 Masters tournament under way, the golf blogosphere reacted with horror today at rumors that former Green Jacket champion Phil Mickelson may be a registered Democrat. “We’ll get to the bottom of this,” said distraught PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem. Read more...

Read this storyCheney Calls For NBA To Ban Nets' Prokhorov
NEW YORK (eTrueSports) - Minutes after learning that Brooklyn Nets' majority owner Mikhail Prokhorov is a Russian citizen, former Vice-President Dick Cheney called on the NBA to immediately expel the billionaire oligarch. Read more...

Read this storyLet's Go ... Trumps?
New York (eTrueSports)- Reality TV personality Donald Trump is in serious discussions to purchase the financially beleaguered New York Mets, eTrueSports has learned. A source close to Trump denied conversations about changing the team's name to The Trumps. Read more...

Recent User Comments

Fire Chief responds to:
Pickled Mickelson? Breaded Snedeker? Golf's Weirdest Menu
Poofy-boy probably not Paula's kind of man. The menu is Obama's fault. Everything is.

John Poofka responds to:
Pickled Mickelson? Breaded Snedeker? Golf's Weirdest Menu
A light departure from customary fare, according to my friend Paula Dean.

Sherwood responds to:
Pickled Mickelson? Breaded Snedeker? Golf's Weirdest Menu
Breaded Snedeker?  Totally ridiculous, very funny.

Fire Chief responds to:
Masters Rumor: Mickelson a Registered Democrat?
Blame Obama!

Ryerson responds to:
UPDATE: NSA Drone Strikes Kill Few If Any At Masters
Call me a traditionalist, but golf does not need drone strikes on its fans, no matter how boorish and low-brained they are.  Especially, not on Sundays.
  • Oklahoma center Kendrick Perkins touched the rim late in the 2nd quarter of the Thunder's game against the Pacers on Sunday, eTrueSports has learned.
  • In another example of government-regulation-gone-wild, the FCC has ruled that at least one minute of broadcast time during each hour of Masters broadcasts be reserved for “non-erectile dysfunction” products.
  • "Karma's a bitch and she's got a long memory," a spokesman for the American Buddhist Club told eTrueSports about Tiger Woods' withdrawal from the 2014 Masters.
  • Papa John's Pizza pitchman Jim Nantz has taken the lead in the Annual Worst Actor In A Commercial Award, eTrueSports has learned. "Truly embarrassing," a longtime Madison Ave. executive said, who called the currently airing national spot "as cheap and crappy as the pizza."
  • Tigers' star Miguel Cabrera announced he will use a portion of his $248 million contract extension to purchase Detroit. "Good write-off," said Cabrera.
  • A crowd outside WFAN studios supporting Mike Francesa was dispersed without incident by the NYPD late Friday afternoon. "Neither of them had their hearts in it," a patrolman told eTrueSports.
  • Knicks' owner James Dolan will finance and star in "Spawn of the Dead," described as a "horror film with comedic elements," eTrueSports has learned. The Mets Jeff Wilpon and Yankees' Hank Steinbrenner are reportedly considering co-starring roles.
  • A challenge overturned the Mets' GM Sandy Alderson's 'We're-a-90-victory team' assertion in the first pre-game use of MLB's new replay system. "Delusional and sad," said a source close to Commissioner Bud Selig.
  • Sources close to new (and currently suspended) Auburn coach Bruce Pearl are denying reports that mandatory Candor Deficit Disorder (CDD) treatment is part of Pearl's Auburn contract.
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