Spygate II: Patriot Owner Kraft Frolicked With Olsen Sister
Boston, MA - Forensic experts hired by the NFL to examine the latest Matt Walsh Spygate tapes assert the tapes reveal the existence of an "inappropriate personal relationship" between New England Patriot's owner Bob Kraft and one of the Olsen sisters. Reached in Los Angeles, Mary-Kate Olsen, the youngest of the two sisters, said she thought "Bobby" was "cute as a bunny rabbit." Read more...

Gisele Can't Catch: Matt Walsh Spygate Videotape Secrets
Boston, MA - BREAKING NEWS - Gisele can't catch, Belichick can sing. eTrueSports was able to secretly view copies of the eight videotapes that ex-New England Patriot employee Matt Walsh has sent to the NFL. In an agreement with the source who provided the tapes, eTrueSports was allowed to characterize their contents rather than describe them specifically. Read more...

Controversy Forces White Sox To Clothe Blow-Up Dolls
Chicago – Hoping to mollify public criticism about the naked inflatable blow-up dolls spread about their clubhouse, the Chicago White Sox have decided to clad their “good luck girls” in fish-net stockings with the team logo. “We certainly don’t want to offend anyone,” says Ozzie Guillen. Read more...

Zippers Anonymous: Clemens, Spitzer Announce Joint Venture
New York - New 12-Step Program Will Help Men Keep Their Pants On. Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer and former New York Yankee Roger Clemens have joined forces to launch the world's newest 12-step support group, Zippers Anonymous. "It an idea whose time has come." Read more...

Consonant-al Drift Hits ATP Tour
Paris - Citing the thrilling runs of Novak Djokovic and unseeded JW Tsonga to the final of the Australian Open earlier this year, leading men’s tennis professionals are preparing for the upcoming French Open by adding a totally superfluous consonant to the front of their surnames. Will Roger Pfederer pfinally pfinish pfirst in clay court Major? Read more...

S.C.R.E.W.E.D
Houston - “Keep your mouth shut!” might be the first thing Bill Clinton says to Roger Clemens when he arrives in Houston to counsel Clemens on how to handle the explosive revelation of his 10-year affair with country singing star Mindy McCready. The second might be "Guys Do It All The Time” is my song!" Read more...