eTrueSports Logo Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
 
Read this storySpygate II: Patriot Owner Kraft Frolicked With Olsen Sister
Boston, MA - Forensic experts hired by the NFL to examine the latest Matt Walsh Spygate tapes assert the tapes reveal the existence of an "inappropriate personal relationship" between New England Patriot's owner Bob Kraft and one of the Olsen sisters. Reached in Los Angeles, Mary-Kate Olsen, the youngest of the two sisters, said she thought "Bobby" was "cute as a bunny rabbit." Read more...

Read this storyGisele Can't Catch: Matt Walsh Spygate Videotape Secrets
Boston, MA - BREAKING NEWS - Gisele can't catch, Belichick can sing. eTrueSports was able to secretly view copies of the eight videotapes that ex-New England Patriot employee Matt Walsh has sent to the NFL. In an agreement with the source who provided the tapes, eTrueSports was allowed to characterize their contents rather than describe them specifically. Read more...

-- SPORTS SHORTS VIDEO EPISODE -- Anchors Away!

Raighne & Todd reporting: Zito's blues; Skipper Cedric Benson; Debbie Does Dallas

---- QUICK HITS VIDEO EPISODE ---- Rocket In My Pocket

Runnin' on empty; No cousin of mine; Just say nada

Read this storyControversy Forces White Sox To Clothe Blow-Up Dolls
Chicago – Hoping to mollify public criticism about the naked inflatable blow-up dolls spread about their clubhouse, the Chicago White Sox have decided to clad their “good luck girls” in fish-net stockings with the team logo. “We certainly don’t want to offend anyone,” says Ozzie Guillen. Read more...

Read this storyZippers Anonymous: Clemens, Spitzer Announce Joint Venture
New York - New 12-Step Program Will Help Men Keep Their Pants On. Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer and former New York Yankee Roger Clemens have joined forces to launch the world's newest 12-step support group, Zippers Anonymous. "It an idea whose time has come." Read more...

-- SPORTS SHORTS VIDEO EPISODE -- Bong Bong

Kidd & O'Neal knit to win; Shaq on eBay; Josh Howard's truth to power

TOP TEN LIST PLUS ONE - VIDEO

Top Eleven Great Things Yanks and Red Sox Can Do Together

Read this storyConsonant-al Drift Hits ATP Tour
Paris - Citing the thrilling runs of Novak Djokovic and unseeded JW Tsonga to the final of the Australian Open earlier this year, leading men’s tennis professionals are preparing for the upcoming French Open by adding a totally superfluous consonant to the front of their surnames. Will Roger Pfederer pfinally pfinish pfirst in clay court Major? Read more...

Read this storyS.C.R.E.W.E.D
Houston - “Keep your mouth shut!” might be the first thing Bill Clinton says to Roger Clemens when he arrives in Houston to counsel Clemens on how to handle the explosive revelation of his 10-year affair with country singing star Mindy McCready. The second might be "Guys Do It All The Time” is my song!" Read more...

TOP TEN LIST PLUS ONE - VIDEO

Top Eleven Reason Joe Torre Wants Out of LA

--- QUICK HITS VIDEO EPISODE --- Yankee Dummies

Mars pulls Snickers; M&M smuggling; Hank's baked goods

Recent User Comments

Don (With Malice...) responds to:
Why Kobe Says "I Couldn't Have Done It Without My Teammates"
lol...
Nicely written...

You missed "To get a more agreeable chapter in Phil's next book."

Will responds to:
S.C.R.E.W.E.D
Debbie may have done Dallas, but she ain't doin' Roger no more.

Frankie Java responds to:
Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great!

When does PoliticiansApologies widget get launched?

Waterboard Bush!!


Bookie Mom responds to:
Isiah: "I'm A Lock For Coach Of The Year!"

This is a mortal lock. Isiah soooo deserves the award, and, trust me, he's gonna get it. Bet of the week.


FireChief responds to:
Calipari Blames Loss On DickieDome Glare
Maybe Dick's Sporting Good's should replace Big Papi with Dick Vitale. Dick's Dickie Dome has a ring.
  • Danica Patrick blamed a new pair of slingback Louboutin pumps for last Friday’s accident during an Indy 500 practice session which put a rival crewman in the hospital. “The stiletto heels were very poorly designed,” said Patrick.
  • “I enjoy fat people,” said new Knick coach Mike D’Antoni in explaining his desire to coach Eddie Curry.
  • A three-hour block of Tractor Pulls will anchor ESPN’s new expanded SportsCenter, which will run from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. weekdays. "We think TPS will be bigger than bowling," said an ESPN spokesman.
  • In an odd coincidence, the number of counts added to the new Federal indictment against Barry Bonds is the same as the slugger’s hat size, 11.
  • eTrueSports has learned that the humiliation of being turned down for an American Express Black card drove USC’s O.J. Mayo to declare his eligibility for the NBA draft. “I can’t live like this,” said a tearful Mayo.
  • Last week, two Dodger fans sitting next to one another caught foul balls on consecutive pitches, a probability calculated at 10,000 to 1 – or about the same odds that Andruw Jones will ever hit another home run.
  • Amidst reports that Roger Clemens has been kicked out of the house by wife Debbie, a source told eTrueSports that the pitcher was spotted last night slipping into the Chicago White Sox locker room.
  • The Cowboys, who haven't signed a criminal in nearly a week, extended an offer to Bears RB Cedric Benson. "Nobody on the roster has even a single arrest for Boating While Intoxicated," said owner Jerry Jones. "BWI is a hole we needed to fill. We're looking forward to having Cedric on board."
  • Contrary to published reports, a CT scan of the New York Rangers’ Sean Avery's spleen showed no pieces of NJ Devil goaltender Martin Brodeur’s stick.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!

    eTrueSports Columnist
    My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!