eTrueSports Logo Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014
 
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Jacksonville, FL - In the face of mounting criticism over the use of discounted concealed weapons permits to boost lagging ticket sales, the NFL's Jacksonville Jaguars announced today the launch of 'Keep That Safety On,' a public service campaign designed to discourage gun violence. Read more...

Read this storySnyder's Sobs Bring EMS, Bad Mascot Karma Cited
Washington - A District of Columbia EMS unit was rushed over the weekend to Washington team headquarters after owner Dan Snyder's prolonged sobbing alarmed the club's executives, eTrueSports has learned. "Bad mascot karma" cited by friends. Read more...

Read this storyCubs Owner Ricketts to Host Employee Appreciation Barbeque
Chicago - Beleaguered Cubs owner Tom Ricketts announced today he would host the first ever Cubs Employees Appreciation Barbeque to honor the team's workers. The hour-long gourmet hot dog and hamburg cookout will be held on the grounds of one of Ricketts personal homes. Read more...

Read this storyRedskins To Join Wops, Chinks, Spics in New NFC Division
New York (eTrueSports) - In a joint statement NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder announced today that three new franchises - the New Jersey Wops, Los Angeles Chinks and Arizona Spics would join the Redskins in a newly created NFL division, the NFC Slur. Read more...

Read this storyAmerican Tea Bagger Party Wants NHL Banned From U.S.
Mississippi (eTrueSports) - With the American Tea Bagger Party reportedly set to call for the dissolution of the "socialist" National Hockey League, eTrueSports has obtained a copy of a secret 10-point anti-NHL "talking points" memo distributed to T-Bag activists and Fox News employees. Read more...

Read this storyDick Cheney Calls For Oil Drilling On U.S. Soccer Fields
Washington (eTrueSports) - After denouncing the World Cup as a foreign plot to infiltrate Americans' hearts and minds, Dick Cheney calls for oil drilling on all U.S. soccer fields. Read more...

Read this storyKnicks Cancel Plans For Statue of LeBronerty
NEW YORK (eTrueSports) - Sources close to the New York Knickerbockers report the team has cancelled plans to temporarily replace the Statue of Liberty with a large scale art installation titled "LeBronerty." The project was the brain child of Knicks president Phil Jackson, who was convinced that the 'Statue of LeBronerty' would be seen by LeBron as so "far out and cool" he'd decide to play for the Knicks. Read more...

Recent User Comments

Cement responds to:
Cubs Owner Ricketts to Host Employee Appreciation Barbeque
Sounds like the Commies have gotten to Ricketts.  I know for positive that Coach Ditka hates this story.

Jake2 responds to:
Boston To Bring Up Pawtucket Red Sox
Bunch of Paws already there... Holt, Betts, Bradley & Bogaerts

Woody responds to:
American Tea Bagger Party Wants NHL Banned From U.S.
Every Tea Bagger I've ever known says they hate Canada until they go there and then they love it.

Edgar responds to:
American Tea Bagger Party Wants NHL Banned From U.S.
Teach the Klan to skate and this problem goes bye-bye.
  • The American Birther Party has withdrawn an invitation to former Chicago Bear player and coach Mike Ditka to address their annual convention in Miami. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," a Birther spokesman told eTrueSports.
  • In Dog Show news, Sarah Palin has called for the banning of Afghan Hounds from all U.S. competitions. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • "A dream come true," a source close to the Cleveland Indians told eTrueSports about the media attention focused on the Washington Redskins offensive nickname.
  • "Karma's a bitch and she's got a long memory," a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society told eTrueSports after learning that Tiger Woods failed to make the cut in the 2014 PGA Championship.
  • Amazon Publishing announced it will release Jason R. Kidd's "Integrity in Life, Work & Athletics," with a forward by Skip Bayless, in time for the opening of the NBA 2014-15 season. "It's a quick read," said an Amazon spokesman.
  • Jason Kidd reportedly told the Nets he had been diagnosed with early-onset megalomania, and needed "to concentrate 100% on myself to get better and richer."
  • Antiseptic ointment giant Bacitracin is set to name Uruguayan soccer star Luis Suarez a national spokesperson, eTrueSports has learned.
  • After discovering his NFL health care plan doesn't cover concussions, commissioner Roger Goodell announced he will no longer call Native Americans "Redskins" to their faces.
  • For a second consecutive year, TNT's Chris Webber received the coveted "Most Muted Award" from the American Basketball Fans Association. "It almost seemed pointless to vote," said an ABFA spokesman.
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