eTrueSports Logo Sunday, October 23rd, 2016
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TOLEDO, OH (eTrueSports) - Administrators at Hadley Lane Elementary School in Toledo reacted forcefully today after discovering that kindergarteners were "massively" involved in an NCAA men's basketball pool. According to sources, "thousands of bags of Skittles" are involved. Read more...

Read this storyPlump Trump in Training for Nathan's Hot Dog Contest
New York (eTrueSports) - Trump fans, relax. Panic buttons off. The Donald's recent dramatic weight gain, which has thousands of his fans deeply concerned about his health, is all part of the mogul's latest dazzling pr stunt: winning Nathan's Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest. So Trump is in training, consuming over 10,000 calories a day, primarily with hot dogs and Goldenberg peanut chews. His only exercise is chewing. Read more...

Read this storyLet's Go ... Trumps?
New York (eTrueSports)- Reality TV personality and Prez candidate Donald Trump is in serious discussions to purchase the financially beleaguered New York Mets, eTrueSports has learned. Source denies team name change to The Trumps. Read more...

Read this storyBreaded Snedeker? Restaurant Offers Bizarre Masters Menu
New York (eTrueSports) - Stuffed Poulter? Chicken Calcavecchia? With the Masters about to begin, a Manhattan restaurant, Tavern on the Green Jacket has just released a new "Masters Menu" in which every dish "celebrates" a prominent golfer. Lawyers, ready engines. Read more...

Read this storyJesus Calls Mets' Daniel Murphy a "Doofus"
New York (eTrueSports) - In an exclusive interview with eTrueSports, Jesus Christ called the Mets' Daniel Murphy a "doofus" for his comments last month on former major leaguer Billy Bean's homosexuality, which included this bizarre beauty: "I do disagree with the fact that Billy is a homosexual." Read more...

Read this storySatire Website Closes For 24 Hrs to Protest April Fool's Day
LOS ANGELES - Breaking Story: a brusque internal memo from sports internet behemoth eTrueSports reveals the distinctly totalitarian workings of the supposedly benign satiric sports website. Troubling. Read more...

Read this storySterling Calls for NBA 'Caucasian Classic" in Testimony
Los Angeles, CA (eTrueSports) - Donald Sterling isn't through with crazy, not by a long three-pointer. During testimony today in a surreal court case involving his non-girl friend and his estranged/non-estranged wife, the former Clippers' owner, attempting to avoid questions about former gal pal V. Stiviano, bizarrely proposed the NBA add a second all-star game, The Caucasian Classic, to the NBA All Star Weekend. Read more...

Recent User Comments

Yo responds to:
Will Deflated Balls Sack 'Belicheat'?
Looks like he's got his ballsack in a wringer!

Edgar responds to:
Roger Goodell Supporter Located in Pocatello
Memo to Goodell:  inauthentic doesn't work.

Jelly responds to:
Roger Goodell Supporter Located in Pocatello

Charles Goodell, NFL Commissioner Roger's Republican Senator father, took a courageous political stance against the Vietnam War which cost him his political career. Charles would not be proud.

Edgar responds to:
Brawling For Dollars: UFC Signs Sarah Palin
That's funny. And gawd help us all, it's also plausible.

Jelly responds to:
Brawling For Dollars: UFC Signs Sarah Palin
From an observer of the Palin conflagration:  "When the host of the party asked Bristol to leave, she "planted her feet, stood straight up, brought her arm back and cold-cocked him right in the face."   Dana, you listening?
  • Following Jerry Jones' comment that it was "absurd" to link football with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (C.T.E.) disease The Flat Earth Society has withdrawn an invitation to Cowboys owner to address their annual convention. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," said a Flat Earth spokesman.
  • Trump Razor Wire mogul's next venture sources tell eTrueSports. "If Donald's elected, best investment ever," says Trump insider.
  • Trump campaign pulls invite to Hall of Famer Goose Gossage to address Miami rally. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," says spokesman.
  • Paul O'Neill calls for hummus ban at Yankee Stadium. "Terrorists eat it," explained YES Network announcer and Trump supporter.
  • Citing opposition to re-branding state name, sources close to Trump say mogul abandons plan to buy Florida prior to Republican primary on Tuesday, March 15th.
  • Trump demands Knicks' rookie Porzingis produce birth certificate. "Kristaps? You call that an American name?"
  • "Who doesn't love the Indy 500?" said Donald Trump after being endorsed yesterday by NASCAR CEO Brian France.
  • Fast food chain Trumpy's Tacos files for bankruptcy. "Hispanics know nuthin about Mex food," says owner Donald Trump.
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